shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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