Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Randomize