I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
