hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
