I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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