Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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