he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
