TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Drunk is not a location!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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