remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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