He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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