nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
