1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
