Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
