Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
