Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
