meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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