I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
