I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
