I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize