her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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