if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
