It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
