He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
