I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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