Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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