THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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