there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
