Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
