I am in a vortex of obligation.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize