I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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