im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
