grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
