remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
