A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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