its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
MIDGETS
????
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
