im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
