so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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