Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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