I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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