her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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