We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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