Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
if only i could text you this smell
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
