It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
