Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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