i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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