I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
