had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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