My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
