anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He shit in the fireplace
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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