Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
