So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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