I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
