90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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