I think I just saw someone hide a body.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
