New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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