I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
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