either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
