I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
