Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize