he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize