just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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