My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize