my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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