Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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