she was so not down for the gang bang
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
