The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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