I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
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