Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
