Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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