1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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