So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
