i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
