wanna go halves on a baby?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
