margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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