Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Couch. On fire.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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