Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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