dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
