neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
