I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I believe in your delicious
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Randomize